Bahman, a 43-year-old man, still lives with his parents in Mashhad despite having a job. He is one of thousands of Iranians who would like to leave their parents’ home but find that economic hardship is the biggest obstacle to living independently. “I often feel uncomfortable sitting at my parents’ dinner table, knowing that at my age I still haven’t managed to build a life of my own,” he says.
Bahman’s story reveals another dimension of war. War does more than destroy infrastructure, fuel inflation and set a country back decades. It kills people and takes a toll on their mental health. For many Iranians, the transition to adulthood through independence has become a source of prolonged psychological distress. With war and rising inflation, leaving the parental home and establishing an independent life have been postponed time and again. This is the story of people who have reached adulthood but cannot become independent.
“If You Leave, the Family Will Fall Apart”
Shideh, a 47-year-old working woman living in Tehran, has never been able to experience life independently of her family. She explains why:
“At first, I didn’t leave my parents’ home because of cultural pressures, fears instilled in me and the traditional attitudes of my family and relatives. By ‘fear’, I mean the things my parents used to tell me: that the family must not fall apart, that people would take advantage of me, that I wouldn’t be safe, that I wouldn’t be able to cope with loneliness, and so on. But as time passed, especially after I turned 30, it was financial hardship that prevented me from living independently. If I had to put figures on it, I would say economic problems account for about 70 per cent of my situation, while emotional decisions account for the remaining 30 per cent.”
Shideh’s experience comes at a time when Iranian society has been so overwhelmed by the consequences of the Islamic Republic’s political tensions with the United States and Israel that individuals and families may barely have time to consider the problem of delayed adulthood. Yet beneath the surface, the psychological burden of this prolonged dependence is growing among people now in their thirties and forties, as the possibility of achieving independence becomes increasingly remote.
Growing Tensions Between Parents and Adult Children
Another challenge facing adult children and their parents living under the same roof is the constant conversation—or, more accurately, the frequent arguments. Neither generation has been able to experience independence at the expected stage of life: adult children have not established homes of their own, while parents have not had the opportunity to enjoy a household without their children. The result is often a loss of the distance that helps preserve mutual respect and affection.
Simin Kazemi, a sociologist, explains:
“In recent years, the convergence of crises such as the COVID-19 pandemic and war with the economic crisis has delayed the transition to adulthood through various mechanisms. Yet part of what it means to become an adult is precisely the ability to leave the parental home and establish an independent life.”
Bahman also identifies his parents’ behaviour as one of the reasons he has struggled to become independent. Beyond low income and inflation, he says, the extensive support and services his parents provide have made it increasingly difficult for him to leave their home.
Yet delayed independence cannot always be attributed solely to economic hardship and external pressures. In some cases, becoming accustomed to family support, enjoying the comfort and conveniences of the parental home, fearing loneliness or repeatedly postponing the decision to establish an independent life can also prolong dependence. Independence, in other words, can be shaped by both economic circumstances and individual choices—choices that may not initially be conscious but can gradually become habits that are difficult to change. Alongside inflation, the housing crisis and economic uncertainty, the roles of individuals and families in delaying this stage of life should therefore not be overlooked.
When Parents Continue to Provide for Their Adult Children
Economist Zahra Karimi argues that economic and cultural factors often overlap, and the prolonged dependence of young Iranians is no exception:
“In many families, adult children receive extensive support: meals are prepared for them, their clothes are washed, and so on. Even among affluent households, where parents could afford to provide their children with a separate home, some prefer to continue living with their parents because the family covers their expenses and takes such good care of them. This is common in many Iranian families. In Europe, by contrast, parents generally try to encourage their children to become independent because continuing to live together can become very difficult for the parents themselves.”
Kazemi describes this phenomenon as a “process of infantilising adult children”:
“Parents treat their grown-up children as though they were infants who still need constant care. They extend their parental responsibilities and continue supporting their children well into adulthood. Today, the markers of adulthood are associated with establishing a nuclear family and achieving independence in employment and housing. As access to these has become more difficult, the transition to adulthood has also been delayed.”
Despite the support parents provide, tensions and arguments between them and their children are far from uncommon. These conflicts become particularly pronounced as both generations grow older and continue living together long after the age when the children might otherwise have moved out, whether to live alone or after getting married.
“My Parents Still Control and Reprimand Me”
Maryam, a 37-year-old woman living in Tehran who enjoys a relatively comfortable social and economic position, describes a similar experience:
“I’m not at an age where I can’t tell right from wrong, yet my parents still try to control me and criticise my decisions. I’ve often gone out to dinner with friends, only to have my mother ruin the evening by repeatedly calling because she’s waiting for me to come home. This has led to countless arguments between us.”
Simin Kazemi explains the psychological consequences:
“Living with parents for an extended period can leave people feeling inadequate and undermine their self-confidence. They may develop feelings of worthlessness and frustration, and some may become depressed. Parents and children begin blaming one another for the situation, and family conflicts intensify.”
The Desire for Independence—and Wishing for a Parent’s Death
According to Kazemi, parents often continue exercising authority over their adult children, particularly their daughters. This becomes a major source of tension and even violence within families. Such circumstances can intensify frustration and conflict to the point of eroding affection and compassion. In some cases, she says, her observations suggest that young adults become so desperate for independence that they even wish their parents would die.
Karimi approaches the issue from another perspective:
“What is particularly distressing is the inability of children who are now well into adulthood to become independent. This creates an unhealthy situation within the family. Sometimes I see fathers who desperately wish their children would get married and leave home as soon as possible. Unfortunately, that wish may never come true.”
Beyond these cultural challenges, economic conditions have played a significant role in delaying independence among young Iranians. The outbreak of war has made matters worse, forcing many companies to lay off workers, with young employees among those most affected. Growing job insecurity, chronic inflation and uncertainty caused by war and sanctions have subsequently delayed or brought to a halt the usual pathways into adulthood—including financial independence, marriage, parenthood and establishing a separate household—for a large section of the younger generation.
“The Future Looks Dark”
Shideh says she has always felt ready to live independently, but economic conditions have prevented her from doing so:
“When you’re in a situation where you can’t make decisions or plan anything, the future looks uncertain and bleak. Economic instability takes away your ability to make financial decisions, and every step you take comes with the fear that you’ll regret it. Even emigrating becomes difficult under these circumstances. Another concern is the possibility of causing harm to your family. And, of course, financial insecurity and economic hardship only make these fears worse.”
She stresses that if the economy were stable and her family did not subject her to cultural and social pressures, she would certainly have chosen to live independently. As she sees it, her current circumstances have been imposed on her and are beyond her wishes and control.
“Marriage or Migration: I’ve Only Lost Time”
For years, young Iranians have lived with high inflation, compounded in recent months by war. Uncertainty has become a recurring theme in discussions on social media, where many describe how the absence of a clear future and worsening economic problems have made it increasingly difficult to make decisions about their lives. Maryam explains:
“For years, I’ve been torn between getting married and emigrating. My mind has gone back and forth between these choices without reaching any conclusion. All that’s happened is that I’ve kept postponing the decision to leave my parents’ home, and I’ve never managed to make up my mind. In reality, I’ve simply lost time.”
These experiences unfold against a backdrop of soaring prices. According to Karimi, inflation has become particularly severe over the past two years, especially with the outbreak of war. She describes inflation of 90 per cent, with food prices rising at triple-digit rates, as a devastating blow to people’s livelihoods.
“Incentives Such as Loans Won’t Solve the Problem”
What policies could the government adopt to reverse this deteriorating social situation? Karimi argues that the answer lies in addressing its economic foundations:
“Social problems are generally rooted in economic instability. Reluctance to marry, rising divorce rates, collapsing birth rates and adult children’s inability to become independent all have a major economic dimension. If we want to reverse these trends, incentives such as offering different types of loans will get us nowhere. Indeed, such measures have already failed to produce results in recent years.”
Karimi believes the solution is to revive the economy and restore confidence in the future. The war, the constant fear that fighting could resume at any moment, the subsequent economic blockade and the tightening of sanctions have, she argues, brought Iran’s economy to a standstill and placed an unbearable burden on ordinary people.
The Missing Foundations: Economic Recovery and Quality Jobs
The economist stresses that Iran’s economy urgently needs stability, confidence, calm and a positive outlook. She explains:
“We need an environment that encourages investment. Instead of capital fleeing the country, we need existing resources to be invested domestically while also attracting investment from abroad. This would revitalise the Iranian economy and create productive, high-quality, secure jobs that generate substantial value and pay adequate wages. Economic recovery and the creation of quality employment would undoubtedly help resolve many problems, including the inability of people well into adulthood to become independent.”
Ultimately, war and economic crisis have done more than increase the cost of living. For a generation that has spent years grappling with inflation, job insecurity, a housing crisis and the absence of a clear future, they have also made it harder to decide what to do with their lives. For many, independence has become a risky decision repeatedly postponed until circumstances improve, prolonging dependence on parents and deepening tensions between generations. Yet there is no single explanation for this predicament: economic conditions, family culture, social and gender restrictions, and individual choices and readiness are all intertwined. Ending this state of suspended adulthood will take more than loans and temporary incentives. It requires economic stability, reliable employment, affordable housing and a credible prospect of a better future—one that gives people the confidence to make decisions about their lives rather than simply waiting for conditions to improve.